Connor Roberts

10/30/2001 - 8/27/2020

Connor was our miracle baby. After years of trying, including a number of medical procedures, we had to accept that we were not going to have children. When we finally accepted the reality of our situation, God looked at us and thought “okay – now we do things my way”, and Connor was born later that year.

We almost lost him that first year when one day he just stopped breathing. We spent the next few months with him hooked up to an apnea monitor (a device about the size and weight of a car battery, which makes a noise like a house alarm when it goes off). We never had another scare like that, but for years we would check on him every single night while he slept – even putting our hands on his chest just to make sure he was breathing.

Since then he was hardly ever sick - a few broken bones, scrapes and bruises (normally boyhood injuries that come with sports and skateboarding) but nothing too serious.

Connor was both very intelligent and athletic. We were blessed with a child who was naturally gifted at almost everything he tried, but the thing we were most proud of was not the academics (GATE, Honor Roll) or the various sports teams he was on (All-Stars, Varsity Soccer and Varsity Swimming). What really made our hearts swell with pride was the way he played with young children. He seemed to have endless patience, and he really enjoyed making them laugh and have fun which is what made him such a great gymnastics coach to the younger kids. He was applying to university to study as a teacher, and he would have been absolutely amazing.

Connor was a loving, happy kid who liked nothing more than being with family – especially his cousins. He was fortunate to travel to multiple countries (Canada, England, Ireland and South Africa) to spend time with our extended families. His main regret growing up was that he was an only child (not by choice – it just didn’t happen). He would have given anything to have a younger brother or sister (he didn’t care which) – even asking us to go buy him one from Walmart when he was about 4 years old!

In place of siblings, he built amazing friendships – each friend said basically the same thing about him: “Connor was a brother to me”. Connor was the epitome of “un-biased”. He did not see people for their physical characteristics, but seemed to see “who the person was” on the inside. He loved each friend deeply, and when there was a disagreement or hurt, he forgave almost instantly. He just wanted everyone to get along, be included, and have fun together.

We don’t really know why he made the decision to take a drug. We assume it was simple curiosity. Drugs are easy to get, cheap to buy, celebrated (promoted?) by musicians and celebrities, and apparently most kids are doing drugs of some sort. It wasn’t from pain, abuse, trauma or any of the other “bad things” that drive some people to substance abuse. He grew up without wanting for anything, in a loving house and he knew right from wrong.

In the week he passed away, he had just been hired at a new job with good pay, had bought his first car and was making arrangements to go to university with a friend to study to be a teacher. He was on top of the world. My guess is that he decided to try and go a little higher.

He took half a pill, and there was enough Fentanyl in it to kill him. One moment he was playing X-Box with his friends, and then next he was lying on the floor. Dead.

The pain, the loss, the suffering and the tears are unimaginable for anyone that has not lost a child. It is an experience we pray no other parent ever has to go through.

We know God didn’t take Connor from us. What He did was pick Connor up when he fell, and skipped over the rest of this earthly life so he could continue the next stage in Heaven. He is now with other members of our family that went before him, and we hope and pray that he is happily entertaining them with his goofy jokes and fun-loving attitude.

We are left without him.

We will miss him every day until it is our time to go. That may be a small moment in time in the bigger scheme of things, but it is an eternity for us.

This isn’t a punishment, or karma, or any other “fate”. A bad decision led to a tragic death. We don’t blame God. What God did was bless us, honor us, and give us the astounding privilege of being parents to the most incredible young boy for more than 18 years. It was an amazing life-changing experience we never could have imagined. Now, without him, our lives have changed again in another unimaginable way.

To any parents reading this:
Love your children. Don’t just tell them, show them. Every day. Love is an action, not an emotion. Get angry when appropriate, reprimand them, teach them. Above all, make sure they know they are loved all the time. Give them a hug for no reason – just so they know you are there, and you care. Find things to be proud of, and tell them. This is especially powerful if you are proud of them for who they are as a person, and not just for things they have achieved.
Realize that today could be your last day with them, and love them.

We would do anything to change what happened and have him back, hear him laugh, see him come down the stairs and run his hands through his hair. There is absolutely nothing we can do now. Don’t waste your chance.

Our beautiful boy passed away on Thursday, 27 August 2020.
Forever 18.
Forever Loved.